I’ve had a few of those moments.
I open my inbox, see the client’s name and my stomach drops.
I click open the message, and it’s as bad as I thought. Maybe worse.
My fingers hover over the keyboard, but then I stop.
I’ve learned from past experiences.
Here’s what I learned from sending messages I later regretted.
1. Write It, Don’t Send It
That message from your client made your blood boil.
Write your angry response.
Every frustrated thought. Every defensive comeback.
Then don’t send it.
Let it sit for 30 minutes. Sometimes overnight.
Then write your response.
2. Use the Emotion-to-Action Translation
Don’t mirror their emotional energy in your response. Translate it into action instead.
If they write: “This is completely unacceptable and needs to be fixed immediately!”
Write: “I can see this is blocking your progress. Here’s what I’m going to do in the next 2 hours to resolve it:”
Skip the emotion validation and jump straight to problem-solving mode.
3. The Three-Draft Method
Draft 1: Write exactly what you want to say
Draft 2: Remove all emotional language and personal references
Draft 3: Add back warmth and personality without the defensiveness
Your brain needs time to separate the emotion from the solution. Draft 1 gets the feelings out. Draft 3 gets the job done.
4. Turn Down The Digital Heat
Written communication lacks tone, so you have to be extra intentional about creating calm energy:
Instead of: “This isn’t my fault” Try: “Let’s focus on getting this resolved. Here’s what I can do…”
This removes the blame while still addressing the issue.
5. Know When To Hop Onto A Call
Sometimes, you have to pick up the phone.
If you find yourself:
- Writing the same explanation for the third time
- Using more than 3 paragraphs to clarify something
- Going back and forth
- Feeling misunderstood despite multiple attempts
Stop typing and start dialing. Or suggest a quick video call.
The Digital Communication Reality Check
The goal is to move the project forward while maintaining the relationship.
Every email and Slack message is permanent. They can be screenshot, forwarded, and reviewed by people who weren’t part of the original conversation.
Your inbox doesn’t have to be a battlefield. Make it a place where problems get solved.
Professionals turn difficult messages into opportunities.
