Last night I was reading a piece of short fiction, and ended up confused.
The manuscript started in first person: deep in the protagonist’s head. Two sentences later, we’re suddenly reading an antagonist’s thoughts. Then back to first person. The next paragraph started with a side character’s internal monologue.
While the idea was interesting, the writer clearly doesn’t understand the technical aspects of the craft.
The Trust Contract
POV is a trust contract with your reader.
When you start in first person, you’re saying: “You’re locked in this character’s skull. You’ll only know what they know, feel what they feel, see what they see.”
If you break this contract by constantly switching, your reader will get whiplash. They can’t immerse themselves in the story, because they never know whose eyes they’re looking through.
How Head-Hopping Destroys Tension
Here’s an example I see constantly:
“Marcus walked away, satisfied with his lie. Sarah watched him go, unaware that her sister was already dead.”
Wait: who knows the sister is dead? If we’re in Sarah’s POV, she can’t be “unaware” of information. If we’re in an omniscient POV, why are we suddenly telling instead of showing?
Watch what happens when we fix the POV:
Option 1: Stay in Sarah’s POV (third limited) “Marcus walked away. Sarah watched him go, unsettled by something she couldn’t name. His smile had been too quick, too easy.”
Now we’re in Sarah’s head. We feel her unease without being told what she doesn’t know.
Option 2: Use omniscient properly “Marcus walked away, satisfied with his lie. Sarah watched him go, troubled by the strange tension in his shoulders. Neither of them knew that at that very moment, two states away, her sister had stopped breathing.”
The omniscient narrator can tell us what neither character knows, but notice the clear signal: “Neither of them knew.” We’re not pretending to be in anyone’s head. We’re above the action.
The Fix
Pick your POV before you write the scene. Write it on a sticky note if you need to: “Sarah’s POV: third limited.” Stick it to your monitor.
When you’re tempted to jump into Marcus’s head to show his satisfaction with the lie, that note will stop you. You’ll have to find another way, maybe through his body language, his dialogue, the way he turns away too quickly.
Here are your options:
- First person? You can only access one character’s thoughts, feelings, and sensory experience. Everything else must be observed or inferred.
- Third limited? Same restriction, just with “he/she” instead of “I.” You’re still locked in one skull per scene.
- Third omniscient? You can go anywhere, but you need to signal transitions clearly. Use section breaks, clear narrative distance (“Meanwhile, across town…”), or explicit statements that shift perspective.
The Test
Read your scene aloud. Every time the POV shifts without warning, you’ll feel it: a slight stumble, a moment where you have to reread, a sentence that yanks you out of the story’s flow.
That discomfort your reader feels when POV breaks? You should feel it first.
Master This One Thing
Master this one technical skill and your stories will feel tighter. More controlled. Professional.
Your reader will stop questioning the craft and start living in the story.
Follow me at simplystated.org for more fiction writing advice and ghostwriting services.
